Without a dope beat to step to.. step to.. step to, step to.
whatever..
went out tonight. I dunno why. I was going to stay in this weekend, just turn into a hermit.
I'm not going to whine about the same shit, no one cares. I don't even care anymore. I go back and read my blogs and I hate myself. Honestly.. I can't believe anyone but my parents even check in on this.
This week was great. My new work schedule is amazing and really makes me happy. I wish I was generating more revenue than I am. I had really high expectations as always and I'm letting myself down. I think that the company is happy with it, but I'm not.
For some reason, I listened to KimberLee's bullshit on like Monday and let her convince me that she still cared. I haven't really sold out to it again, but I've considered it. Tonight she blew me off again.
I went to Lumpy's with some friends, who promptly ditched me to leave to a different bar with some chicks. I'm not going to mention any names, because they're blog readers and I'm sure when they sober up they'll realize how big of assholes they were.
Whatever. I'm okay. I just don't understand. What am I supposed to do? I'm not drinking, I feel like I'm doing what I'm asked every day.. and I'm still a mess. I've lost 20 pounds this year already and I'm consistently running and working on losing more. I'm eating PB&J and cup o noodle for meals. I'm down to about 1500 calories from over 5000. I've cut down to one diet coke a day and about a gallon of water.
What else? I love how no one has any advice. I love how everyone just reads and gets their laugh or cry or whatever. It's bullshit. I'm willing to try anything. I'd sell body parts, I'd kill someone. I'd commit to die on a certain day and give my organs to science.. just to have a couple years of happiness in a relationship.
This may be the last blog post. I'm changing the address and just doing it for my own personal venting. No one who reads posts anything helpful or tries to make the situation better, so you can eat a dick and read a fucking newspaper.
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5 comments:
But the newspapers are all going under... what will be read?
Maybe there isn't any advise because no one is really doing any better, just doing it different. You seem to be doing as well as can be expected. I mean KimberLee seems like a total bitch but 'you must hold on to anyone that wants you'. Why? Because they want you, even if it's just a little. And I suppose its a shitty way of going about things but we do it anyway. People can say it's stupid but we all do it. The difference between lonely and unapprechiated is the same as green or purple grapes, barely anything at all.
Course anything I say has to be ended with Matt Damon's line from The Departed. "I'm fucking Irish, I'll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life."
Be good, man, and read my fucking book already.
. Speed up. Start by building up to a brisk pace. According to Sansone, that means a 15-minute mile, or a pace of about 3.5 miles an hour. "The average healthy person can walk a 20-minute mile," Sansone says. "But to reap increased fitness benefits, you'll want to speed that up."
Start by shaving a minute off your pace every two weeks, and don't be afraid to push yourself. "Our bodies are made for power," says Sansone. "We pamper them too much. We need to take the fear away and recognize our strength. And when you walk faster, you increase your calorie burn. It's one of the healthiest things you can do, whether you need to lose weight or not."
2. Head uphill. "Climbing works the back, thigh and gluteal muscles much more than trekking on the flats," Sansone says. "Walking around your neighborhood is more challenging than a track because your body has to adapt to the terrain."
glech:
Word. I think I'm addicted to other people's drama because honestly.. my life would be pretty boring without it.
I started looking at your book, I'm still finishing another one right now though.
Adam, I do need to work on some incline running. Good idea.
speaking of books, read the one I recommended too. "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max.
I suck at advice mainly because I feel like I require so much of it myself. I think at our age, quite honestly life sucks. To quote John Mayer, its a "quarter life crisis"... I've known a number of people who say your 20's are a combination of struggles, mistakes and straight bullshit. Now that I'm experiencing that for myself, I'd tend to agree.
At the end of the day I'm completely bored with the person I am at this point in life. I know that I have so much to offer in my professional life, as well as spiritually and at some point, a romantic relationship, yet disappointingly, find myself consistently underachieving.
Believe I know how you feel. I honestly do. I feel like you are the male version of me.
All I know for sure is it's not going to suck forever. We are still young and you are headed in the right direction kicking so much ass at work getting a career on track. The rest will fall into place. If all else fails we could have a marriage pact.
Don't forget that you radiate awesomeness and piss excellence. For those that don't recognize it, they should indeed eat a dick.
Advice from someone happy. Take it with a grain of salt, tell me to jump in a lake, you don't even have to read it. Number one your awesome. Obviously good at what you do. You'll go as far as you want, I was told that for years myself...and I did. Of course it's not everything, I understand what you have been through with your brother. I have a similar situation, I have a sister on Meth, worse she has two kids that I constantly tend. In and out of jail. I kicked her door down with the police one night, me actually with the kicking...saw her boyfriend jump out of a two story window and run for it. Man what went wrong there? If your looking for happiness your looking in the wrong place (my opinion of course) it's not in a bar, and it's not in a strip club, OK so it may be temporary happiness. Don't get me wrong, I understand the draw and the pleasure of it all. But I'll tell you what, they pale in comparison to what I now have at home. Kids, bills, responsibility, and a wife. Of course my life is crazy busy. I have no time for anything I once considered important to me. I'm a pretty dang good guitarist, an avid dirt biker, I have 3 round ball ruckus champion titles. Not important, not respectful, but something I enjoyed notheless. Now, I have little league practice, a girl who wants to be a singer (not going to happen.. but not from a lack of her trying!) Scout camps, homework, homework, homework, and an endless list of honey do's that I can not seem to find time to get done. It's crazy, and we are certainly in the thick of it now. But I wouldn't trade it for anything I used to have or could of had. You wont find what your looking for where you are looking. It will require a life change, when your ready I'm pretty sure you know where to find it. It's not just a place here physically either. It's in your mind, your heart and most of all your soul. I enjoy reading your blog..good luck to you!
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