Letting go..

So.. I think I'm finally okay.
I'm not sure what it was, but last night was the first time I didn't wake up in the middle of the night having a dream about April or Kayla.
I think the easy answer is that I went to church. I should probably stick with that and use it for motivation but I'm certain there's more to it. I also think it could have to do with not drinking this weekend. Or that my leg is swollen up from a staph infection so I didn't sleep very well. Some of you have seen this pic. Some of you haven't. If you haven't consider yourselves lucky. April will kill me if she ever reads this again:


I dunno
Had a great talk with the Ol' Man today as he drove home. I was sitting on the toilet so I probably missed some parts.. but the moral was "sometimes you're the bat, sometimes you're the ball. But the next time you're the bat, make sure you knock the fuck out of that ball." I'm going to work with that for a bit and see where it takes me.

So church was rough. Few hotties kept my interest, I didn't see any guys that I couldn't take in a fight.. And most were total tools. The place was full of the people who drove me from the Church originally. Judgmental assholes who try to wear their testimony on their sleeves like peacock feathers to pick up a mate. It's like going to the bar but completely different weaponry. It's no more comfortable for me than the bar scene and every bit as unhealthy.

I tried to get passed it. I just kept saying small prayers to myself and trying to focus on the lesson. The older people who were there seemed really nice, I'm going to try to set up some interviews with the Branch President ASAP and try to get my feet under me.

I went to Family Home Evening tonight. Didn't have anyone to go with me but I'm sick of making excuses so I just went. It sucked. All of the decent looking girls were absent, replaced by girls who were more unattractive than loud.. yet plenty of both.

But I forced myself to participate and did. I enjoyed the lesson and the activity was fun. Of course it slowly separated into cliques and I was left feeling out of place again. I introduced myself to 31 people, and forced them to have conversations with me. I went out of my way to be outgoing. I'm sure I'll end up with a calling if I don't stop it.

I'm taking the Steelers and giving 7 points if anyone's interested. I don't feel great about the line and that's how Vegas wants it I guess.

I've had like 10 girls from high school add me on FaceBook this week. I think one of them finally joined and in the process found me.. which led to all of them finding me. Kind of a weird trip down memory lane. My 10 year anniversary is Summer 2010. I'm horrified. I was probably the most likely to get married young and now I'm one of the last ones still single.
Now I find myself creepily searching their profiles and blogs and whatnot. I'm scaring myself.

Pretty long post today, especially since I feel like I didn't say anything.